Sperm Donor Dad's Wisdom

Anybody can be a dad; but few can be a Sperm Donor Dad. Sperm donor dads are carefully selected - often by lesbians, preferably by lesbians - screened, observed and fought over. So in my darkest hours, I remind myself that I was chosen from all the 5 or 6 available gay men without deformities in a lesbian couple's speed dial.

If I wanted a sperm donor for my child, I wouldn't necessarily choose me. Who would purposely pass on so many anxieties? That bad skin?

But now that I've helped bring life into the world, I feel I get to send down wisdom, like God.

Here's what I know (or at least suspect):

• Men make less sperm than lesbian's think they will. A tiny container will do, thank you.
• When lesbians break up, it is with all the subtlety of a galactic cataclysm. Wear your sunscreen!
• Tiny babies look like the father so that a.) neanderthal dads wouldn't reject them and b.) sperm donor dads offer to babysit.
• Everything happens for a reason.
  
• Two year olds hump things.
• Whoever said "No Regrets!" lived an unexamined life.
• Children's books will either annoy you or make you cry.
• Young, handsome boyfriends will not share you interest in children. But on the plus side - they WILL hump things.
• When one door closes, another door is half full.

Thus speaketh the sperm donor.